I don’t like camping. Never have. The idea of sleeping outside, on the ground, in the woods, with critters running around in the night does not make me, what is that phrase?? A happy camper. See what I did there?
Terrible jokes aside, the point is, I am neither bred nor built for the woods, and I honor that divine design. In fact, it pleases me to watch movies which reinforce my belief that staying out of the woods is a good thing. Only bad things happen when you roll up a sleeping bag, slap a tent on your back and hike into the great unknown. Ask Heather of the Blair Witch Project. She would tell you…..if she could……
Let’s take a look at the list.
Like body horror? Then The Ruins is for you. Two words: carnivorous vines. Instead of hanging out by the pool at their cool resort, a group of vacationers decide to venture – you guessed it – into the jungle to check out some Mayan ruins. I mean, really? I’m going to give up chlorinated water and poolside drinks to go traipsing through the unknown? With no tour guide? Please, count me out. I’ll be enjoying the resorts great A/C. If you’re going to murder me, you’ll have to find me in my bed, seriously.
Great, heebie-jeebie inducing movie with some excellent body horror scenes. One of the main characters is a doctor, which lends itself well to scenes of “Let’s amputate the leg!” (spoiler alert – it doesn’t work.) Nonetheless, it is a great movie based on a pretty good book.
What’s wrong with a fun time in the middle of the woods at your uncle’s remote old cabin? Absolutely nothing, as long as you don’t hit something on the way in, and that something isn’t a Bigfoot’s child. From one of the directors of The Blair Witch Project, the film is shot with a combination of traditional cameras cell phone cameras and there’s even a scene with a GoPro. While not a great film and add nothing new to either the Bigfoot genre or the found footage horror genre, it’s a pretty entertaining ride. Some of the characters need to be punched in the face, and to be honest, it was rather fun seeing the characters get picked off one by one. They were pretty annoying.
Pay no attention to arty squished-together title, this movie was…something. The premise is a scary historic story: something happened in 1940 in some town :::::cue spooky music:::::: The townspeople walked away into the woods and DUN DUN……never came back.
Now, if something weird like that happened, you’d think people would have the sense to stay far away from the place. But if they did so, we would not have a movie, now would we? Of course not.
This group of intrepid souls go into the woods to discover the mysterious reason why this town walked away from all they knew into the wild blue yonder. Needless to say, they run in to more than they bargained for. The wandering/getting lost/murdering commences. I won’t tell you how it ends, but I can say it was an interesting journey.
Or Dead Snow, my favorite from this list, is not a traditional type woods camping horror movie. There is cabin camping, however, and there is horror. It’s a Norwegian zombie horror movie. The camping involves a group of medical students on a ski vacation that turns--yep you guessed it-- deadly. There is plenty of blood and ripped limbs to keep fans of gore happy. There are rotted World War II Nazi Zombies for the history buffs, a mysterious old man who warns them against “going on up there” and non-existent cell service. It’s a fun movie and there’s a chainsaw and a hammer too. Quite entertaining and well made.
A hard working executive woman and her boyfriend plan a nostalgic camping trip. It’s a place where they’ve gone ten years before and they want to recapture the calm and serenity of that trip. In fact, the boyfriend wants it to be SO calm and serene, he takes his girlfriend’s phone. Sigh. Why, dude, why?
Also, if I remember correctly, the dude hadn’t been there in ten years and yet refuses to take a trail map, saying “he knows the lay of the land”. Uh-huh. Talk about a recipe for disaster. We all know what’s going to happen, and with the bear on the movie poster, it’s not going to be good.
I have to say, however, the movie provides a little misdirection in the middle to keep us guessing.
This movie had me peeking out of the windows for bears before I went outside.
There’s you go. Now, if even after this you choose to go into the woods and act like sleeping outside without proper plumbing is a fun thing do to, remember I warned you!
Dahlia DeWinters a romance writer who has turned to the dark side of fiction.. While many of her stories still dabble in the hearts and roses genre, it is often against a sinister backdrop. She is a lover of all things scary, even though she tends either to watch them while gripping her husband's arm or between her fingers. Her enthusiasm for found footage horror, surprisingly, has rewarded her with a few gems. Drawing, fiber arts, and gardening are a few of the things she does in her spare time, when not dreaming up stories of zombies, mysterious happenings in Gothic mansions or screening horror films.
Want to learn more about Dahlia? Visit her online!